Promising a Child is Not a Sexual Strategy
Have you seen this picture floating around on Facebook? It’s a text message (whether it’s real or not, I have no idea) from someone—presumably a man—who is eager to get into the pants of a new girlfriend or a girl he’s dating. We aren’t sure which it is, since he says “Baby I know it’s too fast but I really want you” as he tries to cajole her into bed with him. He goes on to say that he cares about her, he loves her, and he really wants her.
The girl admits that she loves him too, but she isn’t ready yet. She is afraid of having sex with him only to be “one of his ex-girls,” and that he will love another girl another day. You have to wonder at this language; is the guy already a player? With her making an assumption like this before they even have sex, it just might be true. In order to assuage her fears, however, he tells her that he will love another girl—in ten years. And she will call the girl “Mommy.” The girl then responds, “Your house, 15 minutes.”
Okay, I already have an issue with this before even reading the texts, because I don’t think people were built to organize our sex lives via text. Call me old-fashioned, but when you’re ready, you’re ready, and I don’t think a cell phone can replace the mood that passionate kisses in the heat of the moment brings. I am all for planning, for sure—especially when it comes to protection!—but this seems rather robotic and clinical, doesn’t it? I also have an issue with the promise of a child; we don’t know if this woman wants one or not, but it’s usually assumed that if you are female, you want children. Using the promise of children itself is another jackass move for so many reasons, it’s an entire other post.
But then we have these guys on Facebook hailing this texter as a hero. In fact, the post that I saw had the caption, “This guy should get an award,” and the person who posted it said he needed to take notes from the texter. Right, because getting a woman into bed via promises—broken or otherwise—is a sport, something that men need to compare notes with in order to accomplish rather than something that involves, oh, love and commitment and freaking respect for another human being.
Men who think like this do not see women as human beings, though; they simply see them as sexual conquests, and if they do end up sleeping with them, it’s some kind of disgusting trophy rather than an act of love. That’s why I have a big problem with articles that claim men need sex in their relationships as proof of your love the same way women need words and actions. If men look at women as animated jerk-off sleeves and nothing more, then why should we believe that sex is meaningful to them at all?